by Dave Islington
The first thing you need to do if you’ve lost the love of your life is exchange a few words with yourself. You need to get clear in your own head on what is actually going on by ignoring all the noise. Forget the arguments, disregard the fights and just get to the crux of the matter.
You’ll have to be brutally frank with yourself here because what you’re searching for is the truth. You want to dig past the mess and the excuses and locate the true reason or reasons your marriage began to go wrong.
Don’t gloss over the small things, because often it is simply a combination of so many small things piled one on top of the other with no one ever going back to say sorry and make things right that add up to one seemingly unmovable giant obstruction.
Many times these tiny mountains of small things, too long ignored, make a marriage start to sour. If they keep adding up, things go bad a lot faster. So really think about the life of your marriage, and be honest with yourself about what really happened. What were the core events or words that put a snag in the smooth turn of the wheel?
Once you’ve pinpointed all the things you feel are the likely culprits for pushing your marriage to take a turn for the worst, your next step is to communicate with your ex. Let him or her know that you want to sort out all the troubles, get them out in the open and talk about them so you can figure out, together, what went off beam in your marriage because you never want to replicate these mistakes again.
Here’s an important suggestion to remember during these communications: Discuss does not mean quarrel. If you can’t act like a fully grown, dependable adult for the period of a simple, single conversation to help make your marriage better now, how can you possibly expect to have a momentous, long-term marriage?
So the next step is to find out what he or she thinks started the break to your marriage. The point is for each of you to know what the other feels caused the marriage to go bad so you both will know exactly what needs working on – by both parties – to fix the marriage.
Next, ask if your partner feels your marriage has a chance, if they are interested (like you) in trying to alter things for the better, working together to build a better life together. Then make a decision if you’re both willing and able to do what you know it will take to make the necessary changes and put the marriage back on track.
Communication is one of the cornerstones of all meaningful marriages. If you haven’t been communicating with your partner… that could be one part of the predicament. Make sure he or she knows you now understand this and that from here on out, you will absolutely want to discuss your problems with each other, as well as likely solutions.
Why? Because by doing this, by communicating openly and frankly with each other about your hopes, doubts, expectations and the like, both of you will be better able to give it a second chance and make your marriage much better than it has ever been, to make your marriage the kind that lasts eternally. Good luck!
Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/reasons-for-divorce-and-giving-marriage-a-second-chance-3570630.html#ixzz13khszxEL
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