Author: Alison Moxley
This blog is a precautionary tale of the things that can happen to you and your family when you engage in nasty custody battles. Custody battles destroy families. “But my family is already destroyed,” you say. “I have nothing to lose!” Don’t believe the hype. Fighting for custody of your children is rarely a good idea. Yes, there are cases when your child is truly in danger. But the majority of custody battles are not motivated by a genuine need to protect a child. They’re motivated by a need for power, by greed, revenge and a desire for respect. Many are motivated by a jealous ex-spouse or partner who is angry when the other partner moves on to another relationship. Others are motivated by fathers who want to avoid child support. Whatever the reason, when parents fight over their children, everyone loses. That is except the attorneys, the evaluators, the court staff and the judges. Trust me, when these people rob you of your livelihood, your income, your savings, and most importantly, your relationship with your children–they will not remember your name. But the scars they leave you with will stay with you and your family permanently.
In the heat of a divorce or separation, you will feel anger, hostility, hurt, disappointment, the need for revenge and jealousy—all at the same time. It is perfectly normal to feel these emotions. But remember, these emotions will subside over time. Jumping feet first into a custody battle while still feeling this way is a bad course of action.
That is what this blog is about. I am not an attorney. I have never sat in a law school classroom. I cannot give you legal advice. I cannot tell you what to do. I am just a mom who lost her relationship with her beloved daughter because I got involved in a battle to the death with my ex. Our “family” was torn apart by the court system. In the end, he “won” (and that term means precious little in a custody battle) the custody fight, but our daughter lost so much more.
She lost having her mommy there for her to tuck her in at night. She lost the privilege of sitting down to dinner with her parents every night. She lost being able to grow up secure in the knowledge that her parents would get along and agree on what was best for her. She lost her college fund. She lost the benefit of her parent’s disposable income. She lost her sense of innocence.
I post this blog, not out of bitterness or malevolence. While my former partner was not forced to engage in a nasty custody battle, I don’t blame him as much as the system that pits parents against each other like pit bulls in a dog fight.
The purpose of this blog: To stop you from making the same mistakes we made, and to give you the resources to stop a custody battle if you have already started one…